Wednesday, October 29, 2014

PS5

[2:12:59 AM] Canada: if you could have any three things right now in the whole world what would you choose
[2:13:14 AM] No One: idk actually
[2:13:16 AM] No One: i really dont
[2:13:29 AM] No One: a girl to support me and listen to stuff who i could fall in love with like real love even if thats not forever
[2:13:37 AM] No One: just for a time until I either wanted to move on or stay together.
[2:13:45 AM] No One: and then probably a way to feel secure in what im doing
[2:13:58 AM] No One: idk what that is...but like something. I've been looking for it...
[2:14:06 AM] No One: maybe the first would help but idk
[2:14:15 AM] No One: so it has to go on the list because i dont think a girl would solve my problems at all
[2:14:36 AM] No One: and then i could comfortably chase my dreams instead of hiding from them.
[2:14:53 AM] No One: I dreamed too big and i kinda feel like ikaris
[2:15:15 AM] No One: idk i dont really need a third thing
[2:15:19 AM] No One: a ps5
[2:15:20 AM] No One: ?

THC week 2 isn't going well.

[1:14:13 AM] Canada: dude you need to lay off the weeeed
[1:14:18 AM] Canada: and thats coming from a junkie
[1:14:21 AM] Canada: so you should listen
[1:15:34 AM] No One: I'm not even high I'm just bored.
[1:15:52 AM] No One: and just under 2 grams in over a week is not in need of laying off thank you very little
[1:15:52 AM] No One: :)
[1:16:28 AM] Canada: you need to see if your medication works and if you have all sorts of other chemicals in your system the results will be skewed
[1:17:19 AM] No One: THC isn't "all sorts of other chemicals"
[1:17:28 AM] No One: I'm off ALL MEDS until Nov. 1st
[1:17:30 AM] No One: to see what happens
[1:17:34 AM] No One: Expect pot
[1:17:39 AM] No One: it helps the mood but clearly i still dont function
[1:17:43 AM] No One: so it's out as a solution
[1:17:54 AM] No One: nov 1st i start on wellbutrin again and half dose buspar
[1:18:11 AM] No One: otherway around ^
[1:18:28 AM] No One: but i agree smoking away my problems isn't at all working
[1:18:30 AM] No One: its an escape
[1:18:41 AM] No One: it works very well and that's a scary prospect how easily i could become an adict but not to weed lol
[1:18:45 AM] No One: my body isn't scremaing GET HIGH FAG
[1:18:52 AM] No One: it's screaming "you are a loser and miserable change something"
[1:18:56 AM] No One: then the other part screams back even loujd "FUCK YOU"

The future.

I think a tragedy is that people don't look far enough into the future to see what things could and should be. This results in great dissonance and confusion growing at the core of our superego orwhathaveyou. If don't know if it's because those people can't, or because they're unwilling, or in my case simply weren't ready to look. Today was the first day in my life I saw myself in the future through my own POV (not as if I'm looking in a mirror or watching myself out of body--that's what everyone else wants of me and tells me I should be). I've always told people pretty honestly I don't myself when I'm 65 and I think it scared me that it was the truth.


I'm overlooking a vast pastoral meadow, with colorful flowers and pine trees and sweet wind. I'm in my log cabin, the one I bought and afforded with my hard earned work for society (maybe as a lawyer, it doesn't really matter). My wife is standing beside the doorway gardening wearing work-boots and a sunhat. Her hair is splashing down beneath her shoulders and is as white and weathered as my own scratchy beard. She looks up and smiles, just as the sun glistens through the veil of clouds and shoots over the surrounding forest and meadow, through the open door, and blinds me until all I can see is the shadow of the cabin and her denim pants and garden gloves. That'll be the moment I can say I did it...everything from now will be okay. Everything now should be enjoyed for the sake of enjoyment because I made it....my life was worth living. Everything now is a bonus.

I don't think most people can find motivation in life as easy as just "look ahead", so I'm still looking for mine, but at least not I have some vague image and notion on a core level of what the end game should look like...

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

if mom died

I hope this doesn't happy for a long time, but I think I'd miss looking at Orange Juice and thinking "I better make sure her glass in the morning is there for her because i care about her and she gets mad when i finish it"

Monday, October 27, 2014

Apple Bongs





People use drugs looking to make a better memory because every memory they have of that time is shitty. Like halloween...gotta use drugs because if i dont it will never be better than any of the other shitty times they always get worse...but they only think that because they're already depressed. :?



Subconscious is like a huge calculator but quantum does this almost instantly weighing everything against everything at once. Our values and out beliefs and understandings/frame works of thought for against everything we hear. Where there is too many uncertain answers we freeze up it weighs the sums of everything and sends the decision to our conscious mind the tiny sliver of who we are (the part that doesn't feel the heart beating or lungs breathing) that we think of as ourselves but thats not even who we are we're far more than that but the two parts dont talk much and thats very depressing and drugs allows them to talk in ways the conscious mind can't even comprehend but that's okay because there are still things to share eand that's beautiful.



All the synapsis and dopamine that desides how to pay the cell workers to keep the cells alive (down to the smallest organism they all just want to survive and serve little different functions). Like in dopamine that's the final end goal for those cells. The other cells are the ones who decide if to release it based on the other part of the brain cells working to get information and process it against other information (on a quantum scale) so once they release it the other cells "learn" what makes the most effective means of getting dopamine and that is more or less how we decide how to make decisions. (here on earth). Wow im [10] we space now.



Pot peaks out lower than other hallucinogens that is why you see more spiritual answers because you travel further or rather connect more with the unconscious mind thus almost eliminating the 'ego' of the awareness self which is a basic little baby who understands nothing for a very long time if ever,. Is that what ego death means? Oh I think I get it now...

I feel like I'm getting answers from outside. I think angels are just projections of images to our minds to help us better understand ourselves .like the subconscious teams up to create thing like from Contact something easier to understand sends it over to us and there is subconscious (and very conscious) communication of strong imagery but not of a person with wings and lights and halos that's all brand name shit, but real profound beings of light and of pure energy like DMT drawings from the real self...those aren't angels but those are the guiders that people speak of.


I am a very self defeating person. WHY IS THIS?

:) wow im stonned.







+

kek

http://www.biopsychiatry.com/bupodep.htm

Welp thanks Canada

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I like biting (._. )

[2:22:23 AM] No One: I would probably bite you
[2:22:25 AM] No One: i would bite you .
[2:22:26 AM] No One: :)
[2:23:05 AM] Texas: I'd get pretty turned on
[2:23:17 AM] No One: i like biting :(
[2:23:22 AM] No One: id also tie you up ;)
[2:23:28 AM] No One: but then i'd have ADHD and I'd forget...
[2:23:32 AM] No One: and you'd get angry (._. )
[2:23:35 AM] No One: and proabbly pretty hungry

No one listens.

no! you need to publish again I still follow it!!


I'll consider it.


please just write one happy poem?
for me
please?


Fine.
Just one.

wait

?

is this going to be like last time?


What was last time?


you said you would write me a happy poem and it wasnt at all happy and the girl died


No. It won't be like that.


thank you


_____

_____

Title: I didn't listen.


Little Daughter – holds no grudges / Dance pop-music – impress judges.
Picture-perfect – snap-shot faces / Distort image – Bruise the pages.
Inner beauty – lost in transit / Strip down naked – Fame demands it.
Finger deeper – puke the fiction / Tarnished smile – Who did listen?

Laid off husband – children bitter / Cull the livestock – Last through winter
Guilty conscience – failing liver / Gunshot echoes – One less sinner.
Broken homestead – Faith-failed Christian / Gotta wonder – Who did listen?

A prideful son – went to college / Graduation – Worthless knowledge.
Life on track but hitting pot-holes / Snorted lines – prescription bottles
Crippled by debt – his student loan / Pull clumps of hair -- hang up the phone
By the neck of his addiction  / Kicked the chair cause who would listen?

Check the cell-count – 5th floor windows / Die from cancer – Mothers widowed
Flowers? Sobbing? Darkest clothing? / Empty graveyard – No ones mourning
Scatter ashes – It's tradition! / Mind the question – who would listen?

Tragic endings – total losers / fruitful lives or brighter futures?
Hug and kiss them – such a burden / skip the last act – close the curtain.

Starve the question – Who did listen? / Choke on answers – All forgiven.
...

Sunday, October 19, 2014

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katey_Sagal stop

[1:38:31 AM] No One: ugh. this bitch
[1:38:37 AM] No One: from futurama leela
[1:38:46 AM] No One: i wake up shes on the screen suns of anarchy
[1:38:52 AM] No One: i fucking went to bed with futurama last night
[1:39:01 AM] No One: i fucking come home after tripping its some fucking show where the voice of a racoon is her
[1:39:07 AM] No One: i go upstairs i glance up its fuckign sons of anarchy
[1:39:15 AM] Canada: The virgin suicides is actually the best movie ever, even though it has a dumb title
[1:39:17 AM] No One: if i wasn't on drugs i wouldnt even ask what this means but shit god damn why

getting down playlist

hahaha spotify has a "baby making play list"
[1:29:05 AM] No One: hahaha
[1:29:08 AM] No One: what even
[1:29:21 AM] No One: "click here to submit your best GETTING DOWN song ...submit your best thing for the play list blah blabha'
[1:29:22 AM] No One: hahahaa
[1:29:23 AM] No One: nigga no
[1:29:36 AM] No One: they "pick their favorites"
[1:29:42 AM] No One: bitch i dont need anyone to fucking tell me what to fuck to
[1:29:47 AM] No One: facist bullshit
[1:29:48 AM] Canada: Hahaha

New shoes new life.

New shoes means a new life. Move on.

Put the story here.

Park story

Place holder for the park ranger is about to lose her job story. Seriously.

LSD is illegal.

Commercials are hypocritical. They show slow-mo clips of the amazon and boots hitting mud and all these stunning visuals, little kids laughing in meadows, lens flair hits the fucking screen dress in slow-mo in the fucking wind.-- I mean market researched tried and true cliches you know EXACTLY what I mean. And like, they take that, sell it to you like that's their images...but it's the lie. It's the comsumerism behind that shit. You don't need their fucking product to give live and FEEL and see the way they want you to (with their product) watching their camericals ... I can't even spell taht word. Commercials. So no, don't buy the fucking raincoat because it looks cool and you want to feel happy like the commercial shows you...buy it if and only if you're wet because you're already there.




But at least America is in a point in time where the American dream has been so denigrated (oh god the fucking irony it has taken to get here to even use that word) that instead of idolizing and chancing the american Donald-Trump-trademarked-fucking-pipe-dream, that we've taken a step back and started to put the mountain man (no trade mark needed because in american common law you can't even copy write things in the public domain it's such an integral part of society) back on the pedestal. And that's pretty cool.


I wonder if I always spell this bad and just don't notice it because I'm so used to INSTANT (everything) spell check ...or what.


I'm trying to..... You know I can shake my hands at the fucking screen like that means anything, I can smile like you know what I mean, but we'll never put it into words.

#DARE#CMTGWNL


"Enough!" Kelly screamed, smashing the crooked screen door shut. Small flakes of sky-blue paint rained down onto the rotted wood porch behind her. Her auburn hair flailed in the evening gusts as she marched away from the ranch. Freckles matted her flushed cheeks like patterns in the changing leaves.

Her stepfather’s rough voice chased her out like a poltergeist. "Git' yer ass back inside--I ain’t done talking to you!"

She wiped the sting from her eyes onto the sleeve of her favorite plaid flannel, and picked up her pace. It was unforgivable this time. Another porcelain promise of sobriety made in a house prone to earthquakes. Was it Hydro or Oxycodone this time? Xanax? Vicodin? The colored powder lines seared in Kelly’s mind like an afterimage of the sun. How dare Scott defend her mother. How dare he tell Kelly that she was to apologize. How dare he inhabit--no infest--the house her father had raised her in before the accident.



See, everyone else hated it and I refused to make even a single change.

Note/PSA to community: Value everyone's opinions, but don't make changes just because one person subjectively dislikes or didn't understand something. Both sides are equally correct. However, you can't please all the readers--seeking to satisfy any one given opinion based simply on them being 'first feedback' should not justify keeping or cutting any one sentence. Especially, the more abstract. Now, don't take this as a free license to ignore other's advice, because by all means most writing and shots at "profound" are just dreadful...and you should know it...but every so often, if you think you're onto something and not just grasping at straws-throwing darts blindly hoping for a bullseye... take a chance and keep it.

I'm sorry, I'm having a difficult time articulating congruent thoughts: to put into such concrete writing such thoughts of abstraction seems a task of monstrous impossibly.

Actually, the fact that you can put a modifier before impossible [an absolute] kind of self-defeats the meaning [an absolute impossible]. By presenting a modifier--no introducing (a better verb)--before an absolute is an absurdity. The absolute [impossible] can neither exist nor can it not exist (as it is already solidified in the vocabulary in both word and concept).There for by modifying an absolute, to be either more so [monstrously] or less so [slight] defeats the fact the core-principle of the word is still meant to be an absolute. Defined as Impossible. It cannot happen. If there is a slight chance it can, it is no longer impossible. So you can't modify it.

Point a --> b --> c ---> ??? --> Q?

Not congruent.

Keep LSD illegal.  The world doesn't need more of this nonsense. Too much entropy. I'm sorry.

Edit: Think about it. Seriously. You can't modify an absolute, not even to suggest it's MORE ABSOLUTE. The very act of saying it can be modified that direction implicitly means it can go the other way, and thereby paradoxically defeating the word.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Skype

I sent them feedback saying more or less the following verbatim.

"Search Bing" replacing the copy function is a joke. Stop trying to direct traffic to a failed project. Bing is awful. You and I both know that. Not every project is worth shoving down consumers throats. Just let it go. You're making a good program worse by diluting it with the failures of Bing. Google+ failed and in a similar capacity lost a huge chunk of their youtube traffic as a result of forcing sign ups. Don't make Skype users who utilize the chat function switch back to MIRC. I shouldn't have to even consider that, but if I right click where Copy and it lags my computer out opening up internet explorer to google whatever I'm trying to copy ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I AM UNINSTALLING.


Also, I uninstalled the mobile app, because let's face it..it is the worst fucking app ever.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

dicks sooooo

[1:21:04 AM] Canada: I would literally give a blowjob to a stranger and his ten friends if they would do my homework for me. im so over this
[1:21:17 AM] No One: what is your homework
[1:21:29 AM] No One: and im pretty sure you have classmates
[1:21:32 AM] No One: and some of them probably have dicks...
[1:21:45 AM] Canada: there are actually only 3 guys in my program, all with long term girlfriends
[1:21:46 AM] Canada: all kinda dumb
[1:21:49 AM] No One: ...so
[1:21:51 AM] No One: like i said...
[1:21:56 AM] No One: there are 3 guys in your program...
[1:21:59 AM] No One: all of whom have dicks
[1:22:00 AM] No One: so...

nope

i need a shrink i dont even function anymore
[12:04:28 AM] No One: its october 16th
[12:04:32 AM] No One: i havent done shit with my life at all
[12:04:33 AM] No One: in months
[12:05:10 AM] No One: haha i found my friends ex girlfriend on tinder
[12:05:18 AM] No One: thankfully i have REALLY fast reflexes and hit no :)
[12:06:09 AM] Canada: haha
[12:06:20 AM] No One: i dont even feel like using tinder
[12:06:24 AM] No One: i dont feel like doing anything
[12:07:25 AM] Canada: I feel like sleeping, I wonder if I will get to sleep tonight
[12:08:02 AM] No One: i never want to sleep
[12:08:05 AM] No One: because then i wake up and its tomorrow

Thursday, October 9, 2014

This is a real article

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/389862/school-told-call-kids-purple-penguins-because-boys-and-girls-not-inclusive

top fucking kek hheiuheue queueue queiqeu yet another reason I will never have kids and if I do, they're being home school and taught to be sociopaths :)

Red Line. I'm so bitter I've been spinning my mind in smoking pavement circles.

my nigga

yo I hit you on skype
But yeah, my mom wants to know if you can run/drive over for a double bucks to walk my dog friday
also i have like a blister *IN* the tip of my tongue like wtf is this even
i can't even chew

for a what?
and dude, those suck so badly xD

couple*
double bucks lel
$$5.00
Actually, Trigun uses double dollars. You should get into anime.
It's awful D; don't even listen.

>
>
>


but also no real world rhymes with circle
like all these fake ass words

birkel like nigga that does not even look like a word

>
>
>
>
>




4:18 AM 


>insert really complex picture about physics.


im not even gonna try to understand that shit
i think the hardest i ever thought and studied sober was at the rock gym
trying to undersetand an advanced article in a science journal about femion particles
and their transitive electron states while in flux through a capcitor
or something like the classification of a something something fermion vs normal one
1-32 or 1-16 and each electron shell is less stable
so to have a super particle state of like 1-64 or whatever is super hard to reach in normal circumstances, but they like did it by making the electrons flow in a circle
and it was theorized that the magnetic field of itsself was somehow like quantum effecting the state of the same particle becase it's a circle or whatever
dude it was fucking nuts
i felt like einstine tripping down that rabbit hole
i still remember it like 3 years later and i dont even understand physics

http://arxiv.org/abs/1401.1142

some shit like that bro

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Jumping Is The Hardest. Play Bold. Make Mistakes.

Catatonic Finger Nails On My Neck.

SWED And we dripping days like wrist slits.

Smoke. Weed. Every. Day.

Wake up. 6 PM. Consider slitting wrists and quickly brush it aside because I'm not a suicide risk and I'm just being a pussy. Abstract thoughts turn tangible and yeah I'm definitely off my rocker.

Oh right, I'm still in bed?

Anyone else wonder what it would be like to be me? Don't.

Drip drip clock still ticking.

wander downstairs. Skip whatever meal it's supposed to be.

get on computer. Think about writing. Fail.

start durdling the internet.

Think about how much of a loser I am and too terrified to change it (thanks anxiety).

Get 'sad' (numb i'm sure y'all relate)

Glance at clock. Wow it's 10 PM

Parents go to sleep. Why do I live at home?

12 AM smoke weed

If you read about me in a paper I wonder what the diagnostics prognosis would be for a happy life probably terminal. I'd marry fatalism just to change my name so people could empathize. Wake up wake wake up wake up over and again same thing same thing AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN repetition never made sense of it.

3 AM think I'm being productive. I'm not. Think about law school and the overwhelming ...overwhelmingness of FUCKING LAW SCHOOL. give up and resolve to be a loser. not bother to even check gramamr on posts on internet.

bitch to strangers

yeah that's productive.

Sleep 7 AM. I hate my life.

How many others out there in a similar situation? 22 years old still too smart and too stupid and scared for my own good.

read my fucking comment history, I can't even keep my shit straight.

I want some downvotes it's what my head feels like. Everything is lyrical nothing is colorful and these metaphor are wearing me thinner than my skin my skin is crawling. Probably Charli Manson.

I'm lit off some other shit.

What has life become.

done.
 

Canada didn't email me.

its still raining.
fuck.

were you going to go outside for something?

Nah
I just want ramen noodels and the rain keeps reminding me of that man

Because you have to boil the ramen noodles in water?

Nah dude because I'm really high.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

First $ Album

http://rootsofsocietyrecords.bandcamp.com/album/vast-ep

So I just bought my first album with online monies. I'm high as shit in a great mood and remembered this random dude who honestly was barely on the list of EP's I have been meaning to buy and support the artists. Now that I have 45 bucks to spend, I just randomly thought of his song, put it on (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx97uOUAaYY&list=RDB0onnnvz__o&index=27) and then looked up more of his music because it wasn't on Spotify and then found a bandcamp link and just said "fuck it he deserves it". This kid was born in 1996. Like pshhh whhat!?

Canada Bummed my high

One must imagine Sisyphus happy -- Camus

Stupid emo kid :(