Tuesday, August 19, 2014


[1:50:26 AM] No One: go be productive!@
[1:50:41 AM] probablynotrachel: I am!
[1:51:35 AM] No One: NO YOU ARE NOT

Monday, August 18, 2014

banks pls

[9:33:00 PM] No One: Word. I just went to hte bank today and took out all my money. The woman must have remembered me or something from what i bitched her out (this whole story tl;dr she asked me "[my real addrerss and SS ending in [my ####]"
[9:33:18 PM] No One: I was like "That's right and in the future I'd prefer if you let me divulge that information instead of just pubically telling the line my identifying information...
[9:33:33 PM] No One: she must have got bitched out hard (I basically said it to her boss who was over her shoulder like eye contact with the boss)
[9:33:56 PM] No One: So i went to close my account and she was SOOOO friendly (she's never friendly) and DIDNT EVEN FUCKING ID ME and handed me a check for all my money and 400 in cash
[9:34:45 PM] No One: all i had to do was swipe my bank card (she didnt even look at it) and I DIDNT EVEN NEED THE PIN!! So my guess is she remembered me...because any sane person would be like "why dont you have the pin..." which she did but my answer of "I was here a few days ago to reset it but my mom reminded me I shouldn't bother i should just get a move on!"
[9:35:02 PM] No One: Idk tl;dr I closed 2 bank accounts and got over 5k and 400 in cash without any quesitons or ID -.-
[9:35:09 PM] No One: Like good thing I'm done with that bank

Been posting a lot about apathy and agony/irony lately. Figured I'd go for ADHD today

Someone asked me what my ADHD is like. Here is what I believe is the perfect answer. This is what I said.

"It's not like psychosis. I'm perfectly well sane and I can function. However, it's like someone tapping you on the should ever few minutes or sometimes seconds screaming 'DUDE! DUDE CHECK THIS OUT! LOOK!' and you scream 'WHAT!!!!' and go check what it is, and they just mumble 'oh..never mind, go back to whatever it is you were do...hey did you see that?'"

oh also the grocery store check out girl is really cute and I need to go flirt with her. She seems like a brooding little misanthrope and I love that xD

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

ROboin Soucisiude.

So, Robbin Williams killed himself. My only thought is "Good. This affirms the validity of offing myself at 60"

 I am this fucked in the head. No plans now, but I've always planned to kill myself by 60. oh well. Don't go calling hotlines, I have a long life ahead to live :)

Sunday, August 10, 2014


am an asshole for pretending I'm severely autistic on skype every time I meet or work with someone new? I've got it down to a science at this point.

That moment where I tilt the screen down from pointing at the ceiling and stutter

Then immediately follow with (if it's a girl) "You have a beautiful voice" or a guy "What type of vi-vi-video c-camera do you h-h-ave"

I swear I've pulled this same stunt like 15 times.

They say to make a good first impression, but I'm a troll. This is my impression. Eat dicks.

Friday, August 8, 2014


edit: I was right, Google crawler bots are more apt to hit this with a few keywords. (you can guess them) 10 views as opposed to the average 0-3. Top lel

Titled this post literature because I don't want crawler bots to know that me and a writing partner and trying to make bank writing porn scenes. After some lengthy discussions we both realized "wait, why aren't we doing this. We're both being sarcastic but neither of us give a shit and we're better than at minimum 50% of the other authors out there...lets just do this shamelessly and get bank."

Anyhow, during the process of writing on google docs (where we both write in real time and can see each letter in real time as it hits the screen) I hopped up to her section and pasted the following.

>hey [redacted]..why is there no word for this. Like why isn’t this a word. Like seriously think abut this for a second. There is a fucking word for the area between your balls and your ass...there is a word for the fucking stuff that grows under the foreskin (uwe;otaweht ughh), there is a word for every different part of the vagina...why is there no word for the “wetness”. Like, I feel like it’s a common enough thing that “natural lubricant” should really have a word. There are like 50 names for dicks and everything to do with them...but nothing for “wet pussy”. What gives? Wow. Canada will enjoy this story. FUCKING SKYPE MORE YOU STUPID FUCKING CANADIAN edit: <Second shorter blowjob scene> all you [redaccted]. yours was ...whats the word. cummable? last time hahahah yet another word in the english language missing!

Sunday, August 3, 2014


So I'm sitting here fucking around with my CSS testing sub reddit, trying to make a flair class for users that doesn't overflow child comments. Anyway, I was digging through /r/SubRedditDrama looking through their stylesheet, but it wasn't compatible. In their code was a shout out to /r/GoneWild for the code. For those who don't know, it's basically where a bunch of cam whores take their clothes off and put up naked pictures and a lesbian fascist confirms their accounts as legit by looking at naked women all day everyday. It's pretty much the laughing stock of just about every circle jerk on reddit. /r/imgoingtohellforthis has a fucking field day.

Anyway, so I'm browsing through with the strangest sense of disconnect since 4chan watching all these gorgeous women thinking "Alright, so I need to grab at least 12 pixels this way and 35 the other and put a 5px buffer to a make this work. I read the title of one post:

Title: "Hubby thinks I should submit the rest o(f) this set. What do you think?"

My response: Sources point to no.

10 minutes later.
[ ] -
You've Been Banned!
You have been banned from posting to /r/GoneWild: Reddit, WILD STYLE!

Mods pls. I will still steal your CSS and look all these naked women and get away with it.